Have a weekly costume party at your house so you can meet people while wearing a mask. Your smashed and twisted nose and lips drip with drool and snot. You need to do everything in your power to keep people looking everywhere except your face. Go to a porn site and find the weirdest, nastiest shit you can. So put down that donut and hit the gym, you beautiful tub of good-looking lard. .
I want to see ugly, goddammit, and that was not ugly. I love looking at a drooling uggo first thing in the morning. Always have adorable, fluffy pets around, and hold them in front of your face while on dates. You can use the cash to buy nice clothes, plastic surgery, and rounds of drinks for the entire bar. Having to go through life looking like that is bad enough.
Make sure your speaking voice is loud enough to have a conversation from across the room. It makes you feel great about yourself, ready for anything the day can throw your not-ugly way. I want to see a guy who looks like Kurt Cobain if he survived his suicide attempt. Your eyes are crooked and awkwardly cocked with puffy, wrinkly bags of flesh dangling squishy and scrotum-like beneath them. Granted, looks are subjective, so a few people might find you unsightly. I want to see Lord of the Rings monster cosplay with no makeup required. Your skin is so red and splotchy that your face resembles a focaccia that was left in a wet plastic bag for a week.
After a good 10 minutes of browsing, I happened upon a photo of the alleged ogre. Oh yeah, and make sure you have a great personality, too. Hide your face as much as possible. Recently, a heartbreaking reminder popped up by way of an Instagram photo of a disabled man named Jahmel Binion. To help you do that, we created a functional backpack with the everyday artist in mind. Seriously, you call that ugly? My curiosity got the best of me. No one likes a ghastly asshole.
Work out like a maniac and have a toned, perfect body. You think anyone cares that the guy buying them free shots looks like his face absorbed every stab and gouge of a botched abortion? Again, the vast majority of you reading this are not ugly. Try these search terms: fisting, ass to mouth, horse, swapping, pegging, crushing, and golden showers. Chances are that you, the reader, are not an ugly fuck. .
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