This service has a market value, just as any other brokerage or recruiting fee has a market value Rama, Choshen Mishpat 264:7. All opinions agree that one has absolutely no obligation to mention this information to a shadchan or to anyone who has no personal need for this information. What happens when he is off his meds? Furthermore, there is nothing wrong with a shadchan requesting payment for services rendered just as an attorney or accountant has every right to demand payment for services. The first recorded shadchan was G-d who made the match between Adam and Eve. However, one could argue differently — that she had interested them in the shidduch, and therefore she is entitled to part of the shadchanus gelt. Some use this opportunity to actually ask each other pertinent questions, while some just want to see if they like each other, relying more on the information they got from the shadchen or from other people. Reuven was an interested party and not a shadchan.
The Shadchan acts as a go-between for the two families, ensuring they understand what both are looking for and watching for any signs of potential danger or unsuitability. In recent years, a number of shidduchim sites have appeared on the. Marriages are made in heaven, but we need the Jewish matchmakers here on earth. Just as one pays a real estate agent for arranging a transaction, so, too, one pays a shadchan for making the arrangements necessary for the engagement and marriage to transpire. Some people may be forgiven for not realizing that the Jewish matchmaker, the shadchan, ever went out of vogue, for the Jewish matchmaker is so synonymous with Jewish life it is hard to believe that someone so vital and important can be forgotten.
To the Shadchan: I am a married 24-year-old guy. However, I will present one or two examples of each. If the shadchan solicited you, then the time you are required to pay the shadchan depends on minhag —— accepted local custom Rama, Choshen Mishpat 185:10. Still other poskim contend that since the responsibility of paying the shadchan really lies with the marrying couple, there is no violation of bal talin if the shadchan is assuming that the parents are paying his fee, since they are technically not required to pay shadchanus gelt. Contemporary poskim usually contend that one should reveal this information after the couple has met a few times; about the time the relationship is beginning to get serious, but after the two parties have become acquainted and see their overall qualities as an individual.
My mother is really pushing me to set up my younger sister with my best friend. The professional shadchan contended that he was the only shadchan, and that Mr. I am truly concerned that this could seriously complicate her shidduch possibilities. Just as one pays a real estate agent for arranging a transaction, so too one pays a shadchan for making the arrangements necessary for the engagement and marriage to transpire. Although I know rabbonim who disagree with this position, I feel that juvenile diabetes is a malady that must be mentioned, whereas non-life threatening hay fever and similar allergies may be ignored.
As explained above, you must pay him whatever you would have otherwise paid for that service Gemara Bava Metzia 76a, 101a. Eliezer then went with Rebekah to her family and appealed to them for permission to take Rebekah back with him to be Isaac's wife. Later, other shadchanim suggested a match between a younger Weiss daughter and the widowed Mr. This is taken as an instruction for Jewish parents to weigh their child's opinion in the balance during an. While some consider a Shadchan to be a nosy person or busy body, others believe that matchmakers are an essential part of Jewish marriages and deserve respect and adherence to their suggestions.
Physical preferences, occupation, salary, geographic location, family life, and ethics are all factors considered in the matchmaking process. Shadchans risked their lives to travel treacherous roads in order to reach outlying communities and to keep the fabric of society alive. After the match has been proposed, the prospective partners meet a number of times to gain a sense of whether they are right for one another. The shadchan was at the core of the traditional Jewish family life in the shtetel where the laws of family purity, Jewish dating and marriage were irrevocably intertwined. At this point, we can discuss Mrs. She had been told by her rav that she should reveal this information on the third date. If that is the case, the whole issue is a moot point, and you can tell your mother that he is not interested and leave it at that.
In this article we will discuss the ramifications of this question, specifically: 1. In Kiddushin 41a states that a man should not marry a woman he has not seen, lest he come to violate Love your neighbour as yourself. Shev Yaakov ruled that Gad was not entitled to any part of the shadchanus fee. Marriages arranged by matchmakers are still common among orthodox sects of Judaism, although participants usually have considerable say in the process. You are required to pay the yored as much as you have benefited.
When the couple announced their engagement, Mr. For an in depth discussion, see Teshuvos Lehoros Nosson 10:122 Who pays? Posted on Author Categories , , Tags , , ,. According to the Midrash, Moshe Rabbeinu was the shadchan between Klal Yisroel and Hashem at the giving of the Torah. One must pay the shadchan whatever is the accepted fee in your community for this service Pischei Teshuvah, Even HaEzer Chapter 50:16. Obviously, the interested parties and their families wish to make the best match possible, so many matches may be suggested based on the qualifying criteria of the family and the Shadchan. Those who support marriage by shidduch believe that it complies with traditional 's outlook on , modest behaviour in relations between men and women, and prevents.
Later, other shadchanim suggested a match between a younger Weiss daughter and the Schwartz boy, and the couple became engaged. Whether or not the shidduch with your sister is pursued, it is crucial that you consult with daas Torah a Rav to see what you are permitted to say, what you are obligated to say, and what you may not say about your friend. According to the second opinion, his only claim is against the parents, and if he cannot collect from the parents, he cannot claim his fee from the young couple. Furthermore, there is nothing wrong with a shadchan requesting payment for services rendered, just as an attorney or accountant has every right to demand payment for services. What one must tell and what one is not required to tell. What is absolutely clear is that it must be disclosed at some point.